15 Action Steps to Battle Through Your Grief

Nancy B. Alston

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

~ Mary Anne Radmacher


As I struggled and fought through my grief and loss, I kept a diary. THE FOLLOWING EXCERPTS ARE FROM MY DIARY – 15 STEPS WHICH ASSISTED ME TO UNDERSTAND AND CONQUER MY GRIEF. Writing in my diary helped me find a new purpose and more peace and joy. They were personalized healing pep-talks to me and also can be for you:


I understand my renewal and rebirth begin and end with me. How can I start now? How I do it is a personal matter but it is vital to finding happiness, new peace and joy. The more diligently I do so – with consistency and sincere effort the greater the possibility for personal inspiration and from God. I am going to ponder deeply all steps I might take to renew hope and find rebirth in a fuller life.


I will be specific. Some blessings will be big and some small. As I count my blessings, I am surprised how many things I feel gratitude about. I will count my blessings one by one.

Realizing what I am grateful for will give me strength in times of discouragement. Acting upon my intentions to be grateful can bring rich blessings. I will practice gratitude every day to foster gratefulness in my life. Today I will write down at least five things in my diary I am grateful for today and my wonderful life experiences


Grieving is a passageway of time, not a place to stay. Nonetheless, you may not ever completely cure and entirely forget your sorrow. Mourning may continue. Reconciliation of your sorrowful condition brings into harmony the grieving you experience. This leads to healing. Make every effort to seize all the moments of every day to overcome loss, grief and sorrow.


“The journey between what you once were and who you are now becoming is where the dance of Life really takes place.”

~ Barbara De Angelis

When my grief happening encompassed me, my life was permanently altered. Grief is not a lack of faith, nor a sign of weakness. What I do with my grief is my choice alone. Understanding my grief and what I can do about healing helps me begin my healing journey to a healthier happier place in my life. I will continue to take steps to understand and reconcile my complex grief. I will begin today.


Grieving, sorrowing, and mourning provide new opportunities to learn about yourself. Could you ponder: As I allow myself to mourn and allow time to feel sorry for myself my grief continues. Reconciliation and acceptance cause my grief to flare up less often. I will try to think of the opportunity I have as “the new me.” I will believe in my potential happiness. It is essential I make the best of my life challenges. Even for those of us who have been disabled, more peace, joy, and richer fuller life is possible. I will fill my life with happy moments.


Try thinking: I will evaluate what has changed and explore what is still possible for me after my life-altering occurrence. I will begin by recognizing that some of the shifts which have occurred in my life, as a result of my experiences are likely to be permanent. I will ponder actions I can take in the next week that will propel me forward toward greater happiness and peace. I will recognize the possibility that my new path will be revealed as I progress.


Trying to overcome my sorrow alone will hinder or slow down my progress and may even cause me to become severely depressed due to loneliness and isolation. It is essential that I seek support from others and find ways to express my needs. Joan is my ever-present partner. Perhaps other partner relationships are essential to my wellbeing and happiness. Sometimes all I need to do is ask. But ask I must – questions like: “I need to have you spend time with me and here are my needs… ” On occasion, I will cry with someone, at times it can be more healing than crying alone. Great comfort and peace, even hope, can come to those who know they have someone to whom they can turn to in time of want, need, and profound sorrow.


Because of my deep sorrow, it can be extremely difficult for me to believe at this moment there can be hope, joy, and peace in my life. As I go through this time of grief in my life, I will be aware that while my journey of grief is unique, I will take comfort in the hope and wisdom from those who have walked the path of grief before me. I will use as models, literally thousands of others, who have cause to grieve and have overcome obstacles to give me hope. I am not alone. I will think of ways their actions have been examples to me. I will search the internet for stories of how others have met their difficult challenges successfully. Let these examples empower me.


I will embrace every positive moment and opportunity and in doing so I can better find healing, harmony, hope, peace, and joy in living. Peace and joy go together. I will not allow grief to take away my faith in God, love of life, and most importantly, my hope. I won’t be sluggish; I’ll be proactive each day in seeking every hopeful and beneficial moment of each possibility for inner peace. Every day I will look for positive moments I can embrace or include in my activities.


Right now, discovering how to turn inward and be compassionate with myself is perhaps one of my most important needs. Embracing my feelings of loss is essential to my survival and future happiness. The Grief from my life-altering circumstance will never completely go away. Learning how to reconcile my life after a time of loss requires self-nurturing, and continuing loving attention to enable me to move through my grief. I will consider ways to self-nurture the feeling of my heart today.


Because of the agony and heartache, I find myself temporarily withdrawing from people, places, or things that I previously enjoyed. I should consider all the people, places, or things that have brought me the most joy and satisfaction in my life. How many of these people, places, or things can still be a part of my life now? Make a plan. Schedule some time each day to involve me in something, or with someone, I have previously enjoyed. Give me the gift of something to look forward to each day. I will consider the ones that most resonate with me and support my healing. I will embrace the solutions that can support my healing. I will take action today and always.


Metaphorically, grief can be like a hail storm. It is an unusual and unexpected happening. It can cause serious damage. Sadness and sorrow often start out small but like hail, your grief can suddenly grow from a raindrop to the size of a pea to the size of a golf ball, even a hardball, traveling at 90 miles per hour. Like hail which causes approximately $1 billion of damage per year to property and crops – my horrific grief has damaged my life. I accept the challenge to beat the grief hail from my life. Hail melts so can my grief and sorrow.


Severe grief has caused me to experience deep pain. I am learning that in order to reconcile my grief I must journey through my grief. I cannot avoid grief, hoping it will go away. All the words are spoken and all the words are written cannot take away my grief. One of the best ways to understand the grief that has entered my life is to outwardly express what my feeling is on the inside. Grief is a feeling of my heart. I can’t instantly get over it or go around it. The forces of grief require me to deal with my grief. The hard reality is there has been a permanent change that has happened in my life. Now I must deal with a new me and different circumstances. To move to a happier and fuller life I must understand my grief. Once I clearly understand my personal unique grief I can heal.


Healing my grief is all-embracing. It is a commitment to cause a desired consequence. In my case, it requires my focus, my full attention to my deep sorrow in such a way that I produce and introduce bits and pieces of happiness and hope back again into my life. I must take action for this to happen again and again, day by day. I can’t solve my grief in one fell- swoop. Healing requires active actions. Passive hope is not a meaningful option. As I define my intentions, I really make an unconditional commitment to myself to move through my grief.

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